I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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