guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
