I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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