you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
