Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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