Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
