I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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