im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
