I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
