Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
