This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
