in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
