Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize