The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
