I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
