like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
