I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
