Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Randomize