guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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