then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
