Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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