Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
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I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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