Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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