I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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