I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
