xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
