yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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