It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
tell me about the eggs
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
