just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
