i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and you said cock pushups were impossible
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
