who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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