Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
