so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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