well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
