This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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