I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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