i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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