Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
