GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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