Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize