Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
