When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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