it hurts more in the daytime
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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