just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
