I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
