Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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