If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize