So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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