glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just come out here and I will go home with you...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
