Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
