Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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