Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
