did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
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How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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