she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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