Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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