We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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