i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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