I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
