Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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