rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
