Just fell off a train. Bad.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
