What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
